Wife beating in Islam is a lie! How should husbands treat their wives?

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My respond to the so called "Wife Beating is allowed at anytime" lie against Islam:

Important Note: I've written an article that proves that wife beating in Islam is not allowed. I proved that the Arabic word "idribuhunna" for "beating" was used several times in the Noble Quran to mean "to go abroad" and to "leave" a place. Please visit Is wife beating really allowed in Islam? section.

The following article was written for the sole purpose of avoiding compromising Islam in any shape or form. This article supports the Islamic interpretation for the word "beat" for those women who show disloyalty and ill-conduct to their husbands after their second warning. This article also shows in great details how Muslim men should live with their wives in kindness and love and to never intimidate them or upset them in general on the daily basis according to the Commands of Allah Almighty and Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.

You judge for yourself.

The sections of this article are:

- A warning on "wife beating" in the Western and Non-Muslim countries.
- What was the purpose of the Noble Verse 4:34-35? Why is there a
   wife beating law in the Noble Quran?
- Men should not try to dramatically change their wives. No "male dominance"
   is allowed in Islam.
- Do not over react with your wife!! (Do not seek to cause her to disobey you!).
- What if my wife is stubborn and she intimidates me to either beat her or divorce
   her when she is angry?
- The Arab men's jealousy was dangerous 1400 years ago, and needed to be
   controlled.
- Can the husband hospitalize his wife from the beating? What punishment
Would he get?
- What if the husband flirts with other women? What can the wife do then?
- The husband is like a "god" to his wife. Wives need to always honor and respect
   their husbands.
- Conclusion.

Every time the issue of women in Islam is brought up, the Anti-Islamic debaters use the Noble Verse 4:34 as a point against Islam because in it Allah Almighty allows men to beat their wives.

Let us look at Noble Verses 4:34-36 "(34). Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).

(35). If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: For Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.

(36). Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;"

First of all, I do not agree with the English translators of the Noble Quran to add the word "(lightly)" in between parenthesis like if they were ashamed of their own Holy Book! Second, if someone really honestly wants to understand the Noble Quran, then he/she must not just only read the Noble Verses from it, but also study the history of each verse because each verse in the Noble Quran came for a purpose.

It is important to know that Allah Almighty clearly prohibits for Muslim men to harm their wives:

"...Do not retain them (i.e., your wives) to harm them...(The Noble Quran, 2:231)"

"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practise self-restraint, God is well-acquainted with all that ye do. (The Noble Quran, 4:128)"

So brutally beating the wives and causing bruises and damages to their bodies is clearly prohibited in Islam. But Allah Almighty also on the other hand, didn't say to gently tap (i.e., "(lightly)") them when it's time to physically punish them as some Muslim scholars like to make it appear. No, a Muslim man has to be moderate in his beating by sending the clear message to the disloyal wife, and at the same time by keeping her out of harm's way.

Please read the "Can the husband hospitalize his wife from the beating? What punishment Would he get?" section below for more details and references.

Also, read the "What was the purpose of the Noble Verse 4:34-35 above? Why is there a wife beating law in the Noble Quran?" section below to see the details and references about Islam prohibiting the striking on the face for any reason. So the beating in Noble Verses 4:34-35 clearly must not include above the shoulders level.

I just don't want Allah Almighty's Holy Words to be compromised by any of the Western social and cultural pressures. What we might view as right today may not necessarily be right in the sight of Allah Almighty, and what we might view as wrong, also may not be wrong in the sight of Allah Almighty.

Important Note: Noble Verses 4:34-36 might be viewed by the West as unequalizing Verses between men and women. The idea of beating in any form is not acceptable to them, which had resulted in enforcing rules on the society that prohibit even the parent from beating his/her child. Even teachers in schools are too scared to touch their students. This corrupted ideology in the West had created very disrespectful societies!

I still remember when me and my family moved to the US in 1988. I was 13 years old and a Freshman in High School. When the teacher enters the classroom, I used to stand up for him/her to show respect as we were taught to do so in the Middle East. My class mates used to laugh at me and thought I was weird. It took me a while to get used to the American way of treating your teachers.

I still remember seeing students on different occasions putting up their feet on their desks (facing their teachers) while the teacher is lecturing. If this were in the Middle East, believe me, the student would get beat up on his hands with a stick so hard, that he would never dare to do it again!

Below, you will see how Islam is truly a very respectful Religion to women that prohibits men from beating their wives at anytime except only once, and that's in the case of Noble Verses 4:34-36. After the beating, the two couples have to either work it out in peace, or get divorced. You will also see how Allah Almighty equalizes between the believing men and women spiritually.

A warning on "wife beating" in the Western and Non-Muslim countries:

Beating of disobedient wives in the West is strictly prohibited and would result in a charge of either "domestic battery" or "felony" (depending on your record). Both charges would cause you to go to jail if your wife calls the police on you. You can visit www.yahoo.com and do a search on "wife beating" to learn more about it's punishments in the West.

So therefore, Noble Verses 4:34-36 MUST NOT be applied in the non-Muslim countries, or countries that punish severely any type of wife beating. Allah Almighty orders us to not challenge the authorities in charge of us: "O ye who believe! Obey God, and obey the Apostle, and those charged with authority among you. If ye differ in anything among yourselves, refer it to God and His Apostle, if ye do believe in God and the Last Day: That is best, and most suitable for final determination. (The Noble Quran, 4:59)"

Noble Verse 4:59 clearly orders us to obey Allah Almighty, our Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and those who are charged with authority among us. So therefore, I personally think that if we live in non-Muslim countries, then we MUST NOT always apply the laws of Islam in our lives, especially if there is a danger in applying them. If a Muslim can't live in a Muslim country, then he/she is ordered to respect and obey the laws and constitution of the country that he/she is currently living in.

Let us look at the following Saying from our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him:

Narrated 'Abdullah: "The Prophet said, 'A Muslim has to listen to and obey (the order of his ruler) whether he likes it or not, as long as his orders involve not one in disobedience (to Allah), but if an act of disobedience (to Allah) is imposed one should not listen to it or obey it. (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Judgments (Ahkaam), Volume 9, Book 89, Number 258)"

Some Muslims might argue that this Hadith (Saying) of our Prophet that I presented actually proves that "wife beating" of disobedient wives (after their third disobedience) in non-Muslim countries is ok to do. Well, as I mentioned above, I personally think that if there is a danger in applying some Islamic laws in our lives in non-Muslim countries, then we have the option to void out these laws for the sake of our safety.

Allah Almighty said in His Noble Book: "On no soul doth God Place a burden greater than it can bear. (The Noble Quran, 2:286)"

From this Noble Verse, we see that Allah Almighty would never want us to get our selves in trouble and to do things that are beyond our capacity. He the Almighty Understands well our intentions and our daily life issues. Therefore, I personally think that it is ok to not practice the "wife beating" section of Noble Verse 4:34 in the non-Muslim countries that punish wife beating.

What was the purpose of the Noble Verse 4:34-35 above? Why is there a wife beating law in the Noble Quran?

When Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him ruled in Medina after migrating to it from Mecca, the social life issues and concerns began to be discussed by the Muslim community, and the Muslims started to approached our Prophet peace be upon him more often with questions and problems to be solved by either him or by a revelation from Allah Almighty (GOD).

Once, our Prophet peace be upon him was approached with questions "What if the wife intentionally disobeys her husband in what Allah Almighty has permitted for him upon her? And what if the wife flirts with other men, or can't be trusted to honor her husband's dignity? How should it be dealt with?" The answer to those two questions was the Noble Verses 4:34-35.

These Noble Verses prove that Islam is by far the most merciful and rational religion to women, because it not only gives the woman 2 chances to repent before she gets beaten, but it also saves her from getting divorced and destroy her family.

The laws of 4:34-35 for the woman who intentionally disobeys her husband in what Allah Almighty has permitted for him upon her or flirt with other men are (1) Be warned at first; (2) Her husband doesn't sleep with her for few days (that he determines) if she does it again; and (3) Her husband must beat her (no mention of any light beating in the Noble Quran) if she does it the third time.

As I mentioned above, it is important to know that Allah Almighty clearly prohibits for Muslim men to harm their wives:

"...Do not retain them (i.e., your wives) to harm them...(The Noble Quran, 2:231)"

Please read the "Can the husband hospitalize his wife from the beating? What punishment Would he get?" section below for more details and references.

Our Prophet peace be upon him however did specify that the beating must not include the face. Hitting the face of any human being is not allowed in Islam. Let us look at the following Sayings of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him:

Narrated Salim: "....Umar said: 'The Prophet forbade beating on the face.' (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Hunting, Slaughtering, Volume 7, Book 67, Number 449)"

Narrated AbuHurayrah: "The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: When one of you inflicts a beating, he should avoid striking the face. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 38, Prescribed Punishments (Kitab Al-Hudud), Number 4478)"

Even with slaves, if one slaps his slave in the face, then he must set him free:

"Zadhan reported that Ibn Umar called his slave and he found the marks (of beating) upon his back. He said to him: I have caused you pain. He said: No. But he (Ibn Umar) said: You are free. He then took hold of something from the earth and said: There is no reward for me even to the weight equal to it. I heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: He who beats a slave without cognizable offence of his or slaps him, then expiation for it is that he should set him free. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Oaths (Kitab Al-Aiman), Book 015, Number 4079)"

The above Sayings of our beloved Prophet peace be upon him preserve the human dignity from being compromised. There is no need to humiliate the person (any person) if you ever have to enter into a physical confrontation with him. Of course, fighting by choice is also not allowed in Islam: See my paper on Good Manners in Islam.

Wife beating is not allowed in Islam for any reason, except for the case of Noble Verses 4:34-35 when the wife intentionally disobeys her husband intentionally in what Allah Almighty has permitted for him upon her or flirts with other men:

Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: "I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139)"

Narrated Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah: "I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2138)"

Also, Noble Verse 4:34 states "…but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all)." Which clearly proves that the man can not bring the past of his wife as a tool against her to humiliate her or to discomfort her.

One important point: The door of mercy and forgiveness in Noble Verse 4:34 is open for all women if they decide to repent. This clearly proves that Islam is a beautiful religion and a merciful one too.

Men should not try to dramatically change their wives. No "male dominance" is allowed in Islam:

Some men (Muslims and non-Muslims) have the tendency to show some dominance by trying to impose certain rules upon their wives, in a hope that their wives would start living or acting the way their husbands want them to live or act. It's ok for spouses to have conversations and point out things that they wish for the other side to change or do.

But Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him warned Muslim men from going too far with trying to change their wives, for it will eventually harm the marriage and result in a divorce:

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: "He who believes in Allah and the Hereafter, if he witnesses any matter he should talk in good terms about it or keep quiet. Act kindly towards woman, for woman is created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So act kindly towards women. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3468)"

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported: "Woman has been created from a rib and will in no way be straightened for you; so if you wish to benefit by her, benefit by her while crookedness remains in her. And if you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3467)"

Male dominance, even if it wasn't physically abusive, is clearly not allowed in Islam, as we saw in the above Sayings of our beloved Prophet peace be upon him. Muslim men must accept their wives as they are. Requests for small changes are ok. But for the main things such as her beliefs about certain things that were raised in her as she was growing up with her family should just be accepted by the husband without trying to change them.

As the Prophet said, trying to change the wife to a point of breaking her will result in divorcing her. Because in order to break the wife, the man has to divorce her. So treat her kindly. Simply, accept your wife as she is, even if she was terribly awkward in everything, and try to deal with her Islamicly. Meaning, give her her rights in full and get your rights from her also in full peacefully.

Do not over react with your wife!!

Islam teaches us that over reacting with our wives and seeking the destruction of our marriages (i.e. eventually getting divorced) especially if the wives don't really deserve to be divorced is something NOT acceptable in Islam.

It is important for Muslim men to keep in mind that over reacting with their wives is not right. If you approach your wife one day, and she was upset from something (as women are too emotional sometimes), then DO NOT challenge her and ask her or tell her to do something that you know that she wouldn't do for you at that moment because of her anger, and then count it as a one disobedient act against her and then apply Noble Verse 4:34 to her!!

In other words, DO NOT SEEK TO CAUSE HER TO DISOBEY YOU!

Allah Almighty and Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him clearly order the Muslim men to live in kindness with their wives and to speak with them kindly and to treat them kindly, and to never shout at them or carry hard feelings or revenge toward them. Being stubborn with your wife and seeking trouble with her so that you would result her in disobeying you is ABSOLUTELY PROHIBITED IN ISLAM! Noble Verse 4:34 is NOT ALWAYS to be applied to the women who do not obey their husbands, for their husbands sometimes are too excessive in their intimidation and bad treatment!

Let us read the following from the Noble Quran and the Sayings of our Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him:

"O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. (The Noble Quran, 4:19)"

"And among God's signs is this: He created for you mates from amongst yourselves (males as mates for females and vice versa) that you might find tranquillity and peace in them. And he has put love and kindness among you. Herein surely are signs for those who reflect. (The Noble Quran 30:21)"

"And when you men have divorced women, ...then either retain them in kindness if you reconcile, or part with them in kindness. Do not retain them to harm them so that you transgress limits. He who does this has wronged himself. (The Noble Quran 2:231)"

"Women impure for men impure. And women of purity for men of purity. These are not affected by what people say. For them is forgiveness and an honorable provision. (The Noble Quran 24:26)"

"And the believers men and women are friends one of the other, they enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong, and they establish worship and pay the poor due, and they obey God and his messenger. As for these, God will have mercy on them...(The Noble Quran 9:71)"

"Indeed, men who submit and women who submit, believing men and believing women, and men who obey and women who obey, and truthful men and truthful women, and men who persevere and women who persevere, and men who are humble and women who are humble, and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their chastity and women who guard their chastity, and men who remember God much and women who remember God much. God has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward. (The Noble Quran 33:35)"

"And their Lord has heard them and says: 'I don't let the work of any worker be lost be they male or female. You both proceed one from the other..(The Noble Quran 3:195)"

"...Indeed the noblest of you in the sight of God (among men and women and races and nationalities) is the one most responsive to the truth (taqwa). (The Noble Quran 49:13)"

Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: "I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139)"

Narrated Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah: "I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2138)"

What if my wife is stubborn and she intimidates me to either beat her or divorce her when she is angry?

This is a common case in many marriages. My advise to you is to leave the room and get out of the house for a little while and then come back. If she insists on being stubborn, or disobeying you, or bringing up bad past or bad things that could result in a fight or bad argument between you and her, then you are both commanded by Allah Almighty to either seek marriage counseling or to consult with others who are very reliable and experienced from both your families such as both your parents regarding this issue:

"If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: For Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things. (The Noble Quran, 4:35)"

"....then either retain them [your wives] in kindness if you reconcile, or part with them in kindness. (The Noble Quran 2:231)"

The idea of seeking a solution for a marital problem in "peace" is clearly laid out in Noble Verses 4:35, 2:231 and 4:128 above. Back then 1400 years ago, they didn't have marriage counseling facilities and programs. But today we do, and these facilities are a "peaceful" solution between the husband and the wife.

Therefore, as the husband and the wife are clearly ordered to seek a "peaceful" solution which will determine for them to whether stay together or divorce in peace, it is clear that today they are commanded to seek marital counseling to help them resolve their problems also in peace. It's important to know that these facilities are lawful today in Islam for use.

We are prohibited from becoming angry and furious at others:

Let us look at what Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said:

Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle said, 'The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger. (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 135)"

Narrated Abu Huraira: "A man said to the Prophet , 'Advise me! 'The Prophet said, 'Do not become angry and furious.' The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, 'Do not become angry and furious.' (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 137)"

Abu Huraira reported: "I heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: One is not strong because of one's wrestling skillfully. They said: Allah's Messenger, then who is strong? He said: He who controls his anger when he is in a fit of rage. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Virtue, Good Manners and Joining of the Ties of Relationship (Kitab Al-Birr was-Salat-I-wa'l-Adab), Book 032, Number 6314)"

In the above Sayings of our beloved Prophet, we are clearly commanded to not get angry and furious at others. Physical confrontations with others (including our wives) is to always remain at the minimum, if not eliminated completely from our selves. These things are some of the real Muslim's morals and good manners.

Allah Almighty loves those who restrain anger: "Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; for Allah loves those who do good. (The Noble Quran, 3:134)"

The Arab men's jealousy was dangerous 1400 years ago, and needed to be controlled:

We must know that Noble Verses 4:34-36 came as a mercy for those women who flirt with other men, or seem to be too open for other men to approach them.

Let us look at few of the Sayings of our beloved Prophet peace be upon him regarding the jealous men regarding this issue during his time:

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Sa'd b. Ubada (Allah be pleased with him) said: "Messenger of Allah, if I were to find with my wife a man, should I not touch him before bringing four witnesses? Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Yes. He said: By no means. By Him Who has sent you with the Truth, I would hasten with my sword to him before that. Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Listen to what your chief says. He is jealous of his honour, I am more jealous than he (is) and God is more jealous than I. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Divorce (Kitab Al-Talaq), Book 009, Number 3571)"

AI-Mughira b. Shu'ba (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Sa'd b. 'Ubada (Allah be pleased with him) said: "If I were to see a man with my wife, I would have struck him with the sword, and not with the flat part (side) of it. When Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) heard of that, he said: Are you surprised at Sa'd's jealousy of his honour? By Allah, I am more jealous of my honour than he, and Allah is more jealous than I. Because of His jealousy Allah has prohibited abomination, both open and secret And no person is more jealous of his honour than Allah, and no persons, is more fond of accepting an excuse than Allah, on account of which He has sent messengers, announcers of glad tidings and warners; and no one is more fond of praise than Allah on account of which Allah has promised Paradise. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Divorce (Kitab Al-Talaq), Book 009, Number 3572)"

In the following Saying, we see that the woman almost lost her life because her husband thought she disobeyed him!

Abu as-Sa'ib, the freed slaved of Hisham b. Zuhra, said that he visited Abu Sa'id Khudri in his house, (and he further) said: "I found him saying his prayer, so I sat down waiting for him to finish his prayer when I heard a stir in the bundles (of wood) lying in a comer of the house. I looked towards it and found a snake. I jumped up in order to kill it, but he (Abu Sa'id Khudri) made a gesture that I should sit down. So I sat down and as he finished (the prayer) he pointed to a room in the house and said: Do you see this room? I said: Yes. He said: There was a young man amongst us who had been newly wedded. We went with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) (to participate in the Battle) of Trench when a young man in the midday used to seek permission from Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) to return to his family. One day he sought permission from him and Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) (after granting him the permission) said to him: Carry your weapons with you for I fear the tribe of Quraiza (may harm you). The man carried the weapons and then came back and found his wife standing between the two doors. He bent towards her smitten by jealousy and made a dash towards her with a spear in order to stab her. She said: Keep your spear away and enter the house until you see that which has made me come out. He entered and found a big snake coiled on the bedding. He darted with the spear and pierced it and then went out having fixed it in the house, but the snake quivered and attacked him and no one knew which of them died first, the snake or the young man. We came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and made a mention to him and said: Supplicate to Allah that that (man) may be brought back to life. Thereupon he said: Ask forgiveness for your companion and then said: There are in Medina jinns who have accepted Islam, so when you see any one of them, pronounce a warning to it for three days, and if they appear before you after that, then kill it for that is a devil. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book on Salutations and Greetings (Kitab As-Salam), Book 026, Number 5557)"

There are a lot more Sayings that I could provide that prove that the Arab men's jealousy was very dangerous, and needed a Divine Revelation from Allah Almighty to control it.

Can the husband hospitalize his wife from the beating?

Absolutely not! It is important to know that Allah Almighty clearly prohibits for Muslim men to harm their wives:

"...Do not retain them (i.e., your wives) to harm them...(The Noble Quran, 2:231)"

We are also prohibited in Islam by our Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him to get angry and furious:

In the above Sayings of our beloved Prophet, we are clearly commanded to not get angry and furious at others. Physical confrontations with others (including our wives) is to be always remain at the minimum, if not eliminated completely from our selves. These things are some of the real Muslim's morals and good manners.

Also, Allah Almighty ordered the Muslim men to approach their wives with care and to always keep Allah Almighty in their mind when they deal with their wives. "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear God. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. (The Noble Quran, 2:223)"

Kindness in Islam is very important. In Islam, if you are not even kind to your slave, then you must set him free. Read my article about Slaves treatment in Islam. Can you imagine the importance of the wife's place? As shown in the next section below in this article, it is a MUST on men to live in kindness and love with their wives in their daily lives.

Allah Almighty likes men to not seek harming their wives and to live with them in peace, harmony and love:

As I mentioned above: "....then either retain them [your wives] in kindness if you reconcile, or part with them in kindness. Do not retain them to harm them so that you transgress limits. He who does this has wronged himself. (The Noble Quran 2:231)"

"....on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. (The Noble Quran, 4:19)"

Also, the above Sayings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him ordering Muslim men not to revile their wives and not to beat them clearly explains the Islamic attitude toward women, that their men must treat them and deal with them with care.

Although Allah Almighty didn't specify a measure on how to beat the wife who's case applies to Noble Verses 4:34-36 above, but mercy in the hearts of men must exist at all time, and they must always fear Allah Almighty and know that they will meet Him someday.

Perhaps the reason why Allah Almighty didn't specify the amount of beating for the wives in Noble Verses 4:34-36 is because we are all different in our physical shapes, sizes, attitudes, etc... So a set law for the beating would not be fair to for instance those women who are very small in size comparing to those who are large in size. But He did warn the Muslim men to fear him when dealing with their wives and to know that they will meet him one day and be held accountable for all what they did from good and bad; "Then shall anyone who has done an atom's weight of good, see it! And anyone who has done an atom's weight of evil, shall see it. (The Noble Quran, 99:7-8)"

What if the husband does harm his wife very badly? What punishment would he get?

If the beating was determined to be "too much" or "too extreme", then the man would get flogged, and of course the wife can always seek divorce and be granted that divorce in the Islamic court. In some cases the excessively abusive husband would get flogged up to 10 stripes, and in some cases up to 40 or even more stripes. It depends on the situation and the harm done to the wife:

Narrated Abu Burda Al-Ansari: "I heard the Prophet saying, 'Do not flog anyone more than ten stripes except if he is involved in a crime necessitating Allah's legal Punishment.' (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Punishment of Disbelievers at War with Allah and His Apostle, Volume 8, Book 82, Number 833)"

According to this Saying of our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, if the man's harm was determined to be in the low end, then his punishment would be getting flogged up to 10 stripes. If his harm is above the low end, then the Judge would determine the amount of stripes for him to be flogged.

The point however is, Noble Verses 4:34-36 should not be a concern for any Muslim woman, because a good woman should not intentionally disobey her husband in what Allah Almighty has permitted for him upon her and would not flirt with any man from the first place! So on the third time after the prior 2 warnings, she definitely needs some disciplinary measures be taken against her.

What if the husband flirts with other women? What can the wife do then?

The wife would then have the right to get divorced from her husband. The husband would also get flogged up to 10 stripes:

Narrated 'Abdur-Rahman bin Jabir: "On the authority of others, that the Prophet said, 'No Punishment exceeds the flogging of the ten stripes, except if one is guilty of a crime necessitating a legal punishment prescribed by Allah.' (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Punishment of Disbelievers at War with Allah and His Apostle, Volume 8, Book 82, Number 832)"

If the husband commits adultery with another woman, then he would get punished severely for it. Marriage in Islam is something sacred, because it prevents the Muslim from doing sins and it is a great way to settle down with the spouse he/she loves.

Allah Almighty ordered men to love and respect their wives, and He the Almighty honored women and spoke highly of them. Let us look at the following Noble Verses:

"Women impure for men impure. And women of purity for men of purity. These are not affected by what people say. For them is forgiveness and an honorable provision. (The Noble Quran 24:26)"

"And their Lord has heard them and says: 'I don't let the work of any worker be lost be they male or female. You both proceed one from the other..(The Noble Quran 3:195)"

"...Indeed the noblest of you in the sight of God (among men and women and races and nationalities) is the one most responsive to the truth (taqwa). (The Noble Quran 49:13)"

The husband is like a "god" to his wife. Wives need to always honor and respect their husbands:

It is important to know that according to Islam, the husband should always be honored and respected in his home as if he were "god". It is important for the wife to realize this fact very well. Stubborn wives have no place in Islam:

Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab: "The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2142)"

Narrated Qays ibn Sa'd: "I went to al-Hirah and saw them (the people) prostrating themselves before a satrap of theirs, so I said: The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) has most right to have prostration made before him. When I came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him), I said: I went to al-Hirah and saw them prostrating themselves before a satrap of theirs, but you have most right, Apostle of Allah, to have (people) prostrating themselves before you. He said: Tell me , if you were to pass my grave, would you prostrate yourself before it? I said: No. He then said: Do not do so. If I were to command anyone to make prostration before another I would command women to prostrate themselves before their husbands, because of the special right over them given to husbands by Allah. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2135)"

Important Note: Some Muslims do not believe in the Sayings or narrations from Sunan Abu-Dawud or any other volumes that are not "Sahih" volumes. In general, Sayings of our Prophet's companions and wives narrated in "Sunan Abu Dawud" are indeed authentic. Also, Sayings from Sunan Abu Dawud that agree with Sayings that in any of the Sahih volumes are also authentic. But Sayings from other people who were not close companions of the Prophet are doubtful. The only volumes that had been double and triple checked and are absolutely authentic to the Muslims are the "Sahih" volumes. With "Sunan Abu Dawud" we have to be extra careful, for it contains truthful and untruthful narrations about our Prophet peace be upon him.

In the above two Sayings of our beloved Prophet peace be upon him, we see that Allah Almighty blames the wife for the husband's third anger (this is the time where he is suppose to beat her according to Noble Verse 4:34 above) and Will not ask him as to why he got angry and beat his wife. The wife is responsible for pleasing her husband and making sure that he is always satisfied. It is her Islamic duty!

But beating wives anytime the husbands wish is strictly prohibited in Islam as we've clearly seen in the above Sayings of our Prophet peace be upon him in the "What was the purpose of the Noble Verse 4:34-35 above?" section above.

It is also important for the wives to know that according to Islam, their husbands are like their "gods". If bowing down to other than Allah Almighty in worship was not prohibited in Islam, Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him would've ordered the women to bow down to their husbands.

This is important to know because the husband is to always be pleased by his wife and to always be treated as the real man of the house and to always be honored, praised, glorified and respected as if he were "god".

If the husband, however, is an abusive one or a very disrespectful one, then Allah Almighty orders the husband and the wife to seek "peaceful" means to resolve their problem, or otherwise, they must divorce in peace as clearly explained in the "What if my wife is stubborn and she intimidates me to either beat her or divorce her when she is angry?" section above.

Conclusion:

Islam does not allow men to beat their wives at anytime they want and as much as they want as the Anti-Islamics claim with their lies. The only time Islam allows a husband to beat his wife is when she intentionally disobeys her husband in what Allah Almighty has permitted for him upon her or when when she flirts or show disloyalty for the third time. This law prevents men from doing something crazy such as committing murders against their wives. This law also allows women to repent and to come back to their faith and senses, and it prevents men from bothering their wives with their wives bad past. Once the wife repents and stops dishonoring her husband, then it would be all water under the bridge and it would become a forgotten past from both the husband and the wife. Therefore, the Noble Verse 4:34 is a merciful verse on women and not a harsh one.

And Allah Almighty knows best, and may He forgive me if I made any mistake here.

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