Problems with our Muslim sisters in America:
Based on my personal observations and experience with many of our Muslim sisters here in the US, I discovered some serious problems with the way many of them live their lives.
I must start by saying that I personally know 6 Muslim brothers in real life and in cyber life (via the internet) who are currently married to non Muslim women and unfortunately, who are in a process of getting a divorce. I also was told from 3 friends that their friends are facing the same dilemma.
Why this problem with our Muslim brothers?
Most of the brothers that I personally talked to from different types of nationalities have said that they couldn't find a suitable Muslim wife to marry because of one or more of the following reasons:
(1) The Muslim girls are not ready for marriage yet because of either age or simply because they want to finish their schools first.
(2) The Muslim girls' families ask for too much money that no starting brother with his life who just came recently a year or so ago to the US can afford.
(3) The Muslim girls don't like to marry Muslims who don't have either a green card or a US citizenship.
(4) The Muslim girls who live in the US have major cultural differences with the men and women from the Muslims who come from their own countries.
(5) The Muslim girls (according to what some of the brothers claimed) are very shallow in their thinking, and are not mature enough nor responsible enough, nor they really know what they really want in their lives.
Dilemmas that our Muslim brothers face in the US:
It is quite unfortunate that many of our brothers who come to the US are forced for most cases to marry non Muslim women. When a Muslim brother comes to the US, he more likely doesn't have a green card (which is a card given to a resident in the US for 5-7 years before he becomes a US citizen) nor a citizenship.
This legal issue in his immigration papers makes his academic life almost impossible to pursue, because his school will now cost him 5 times more than what it would cost a normal student. Also keep in mind that this brother is not eligible for any type of student loans or financial aids.
The only financial aids he would be eligible for is a state scholarship for maintaining a high grade point average.
This problem leaves most of our Muslim brothers who live here in the US in a big dilemma and in a great isolation !. They can't marry Muslim women for the reasons mentioned above, and they can't stay unmarried because they either simply can't afford it or their visas would eventually expire, and they must do something to not get deported from the US and lose their education.
So the only solution left for them is to get married; unfortunately with women that they personally would rather not marry (for religious and cultural reasons only). This undesired marriage will eventually end up in a divorce.
I hope this will be of no offense to any American, but Americans in general believe in divorce. 70% of the American families are either divorced or in the process of getting divorced. So it is almost guaranteed that our Muslim brothers will end up in an unsuccessful marriage with the non Muslim women anyway!
What can the Muslim women and their families do?
Here is what the Muslims in the US can do to make our Muslim society in the US more Islamic and more healthy:
(1) To all Muslim parents, I suggest you drop your ridiculous high financial requests that only put a block for your daughter's future and to the Muslim brother who wishes to marry her.
(2) To all Muslim women who fear the brothers who don't have green cards nor US citizenships, I think you can know the person from the way he talks and presents himself, from his educational background from his country, and from his morals and ethics.
There is nothing wrong with engaging a brother who doesn't have a green card for few months, get to know him, and see if he is suitable enough to be your future husband. I think the brothers who were successful with their education back home can very well become successful with their future education here in the US. They only need your little push to help them.
(3) Never assume negative and never think negative. Never assume that any Muslim brother who doesn't have a green card or US citizenship only wants to marry a Muslim woman for her US citizenship and then divorce her.
This is not true at all for most of our brothers. You know well that the way we are raised back home and the mentality that we have prohibits us from divorcing or from cheating our our wives.
(4) To all Muslim women who are not yet ready for marriage, even when they reach their mid 20's in age, I suggest for you to not waste a good opportunity with your silliness !. I think you and the man you marry can workout your educational plans.
Trust me, life in the US is so darn expensive anyway, that non of you can afford to have the other just stay home and not work !. So, if I were a Muslim woman, then I wouldn't worry too much about my husband not wanting me to work here in the US !.
In fact, I would worry about working too much while I have little kids waiting for me at home after they finish school !!.
We already finished our 3rd millennium and passed year 2000. Our men are much more open minded today than our grandfathers. I personally never ran into a Muslim man who claimed that he doesn't want his wife to work.
You can make a difference!!
Whether you are a Muslim parent or a Muslim sister, I urge you to step up and to open your mind and to make the difference. I urge you to start educating the Muslims in the US that many of our brothers are in great danger, and their marital lives are being ruined by us !!. Yes by us only !!.
Allah Almighty said in His Noble Book "Because God will never change the grace which He hath bestowed on a people until they change what is in their (own) souls [their selves]: and verily God is He Who heareth and knoweth (all things). (The Noble Quran, 8:53)"
If you want Allah Almighty to help you, bless you and be there for you in your hard times, then you must as a Muslim improve yourself and live your life according to the laws of Islam so that you can have mercy on your Muslim brothers and sisters, and live a wise life lead by the laws of Allah Almighty in the Noble Quran.
You can be a good Islamic person!
Being good a good Islamic person doesn't necessarily have to be restricted to praying 5 times a day all the time, fast all of the month of Ramadan, and wear a scarf (hijab, if you were a female).
To me, being a good Islamic person is allowing Allah Almighty through His Noble Quran to lead my life according to the laws of the Noble Quran. When I face big dicissions in my life that I think I need guidance in, I always refer to Allah Almighty in His Noble Quran and find the answer.
Please don't misunderstand me, I would highly encourage all Muslims to pray, fast and practice Islam to the very inch !.
But I believe that a Muslim can avoid big mistakes in his/her life by allowing the Noble Quran to lead their lives. Believe me dear Muslim brother or sister, if all Muslims in the US for instance honor the Noble Quran and respect its advises and commands that it has for us to live our lives, then we wouldn't have big delimmas that our brothers face today by marrying non Muslim women.
Allah Almighty said in His Noble Book "This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear God; (The Noble Quran, 2:2)"
Even though, unfortunately, I don't consistently pray 5 times a day, but I still consider myself a good "Islamic" person, because I consult with the Noble Quran in all of the major life's issues that I face, and I base my decisions based on what the Noble Quran says without any regrets or reservations.
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